Motherhood To Nationhood live series on SI Magazine took an exciting turn this afternoon as Hajiya Khadijah Abdullahi-Iya and Hajiya Jummai Aminat gave educative insights into the theme “conflict management: scuffling in full glare of the child”.
Introducing the topic, Hajiya Khadijah pointed out that the first conflicts experience of a child stem mainly from the home front, continuing further she explained that the skills the child learns in resolving conflicts is what he/she would apply in all other conflicts in the society.
Answering the first question on “how to nip the circle of conflict in the bud especially when children are caught between the webs of conflict?”
Hajiya Aminat stated plainly that the starting point to getting it right is “from the family”. She lamented that Africans have gone off our culture by criticising community collective responsibility in raising children and this is shown physically by the negative criticism displayed by parents when another person attempts to correct their child.
She explained that decorum, attitude and self a frame matters for parents when trying to protect a child mental well being in the heat of an argument.
” There are things that should not be done in the presence of a child, certain behavior and words should not be used because children learn from watching and it is what they see that they would accept as normal”, she continued.
Hajiya Khadijah pointed out that it is necessary that children understand that conflict is a part of the society and every child should be exposed to a considerable level of conflict and also be taught how to manage conflicts, “being honest with children is of great importance, tell them the truth and explain things to them so when it happens to and around them in the future, they would understand how to resolve it”.
Sharing on ways to develop conflict management, Hajiya Khadijah stressed the necessity of learning to manage conflicts as an individual first before getting married as people differ, each with his or her own way of doing things and unless they both have an understanding of resolving conflicts, it would not be easy learning it during marriage, she also buttressed the importance of knowing who your spouse listens to and can take corrections from.
Hajiya Aminat supported this also stating that counselling can also help in resolving conflicts; ” there was a time when the elders in the community intervened in these matters, but things have changed presently, if the people we listen to can be called to intervene, it can help right some wrongs”.
Responding to a question from one of the viewers on the measures that can be taken to help people in abusive relationships speak out and ask for help.
Hajiya Aminat stated, “whatever can happen to someone else can happen to you”, so there is no need for the stigma, ” some people stay in abusive relationships till the point of death but it is not worth it, speak out”. Get help.
Can unresolved conflict of parents affect a child in the long run?
“Yes, it is possible”, Hajiya Aminat said ” but it also depends on the exposure and the education of the child. It is the responsibility of the child to “break the circle”.
Hajiya Khadijah also pointed out that, ” there is no deadline for personal growth”, she gave tips to help on conflict management.